No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
