I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
