but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
