What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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