Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
