He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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