my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
