He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
