Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
