I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
