Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Drake has all the answers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
