the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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