I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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