He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize