I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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