she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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