he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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