At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
