You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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