I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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