I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
