This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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