Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
