we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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