Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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