Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
