If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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