We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
