the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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