Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
