we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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