Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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