And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
someone owes me an orgasm
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
