Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
