I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
