You really coming over, don't trick.
just tell him i said nine months
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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