Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
