Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
