We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
