I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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