I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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