guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
