hell yes lets make some ravioli
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
