I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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