i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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