u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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