you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
