Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
