Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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