It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
