I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
