If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
