after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
