i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
