No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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