My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
