ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
