Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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