so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
