I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
