I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
