i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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