i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
