Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
